I’d like to start off by saying, that if you are single, in your twenties, and you are desperately trying to attract the “perfect” men. Girls just stop. Please stop.
I feel like society is aiming to define our success by our ability to keep or be in a relationship. And it’s boring.
Why are we defining ourselves by our success in maintaining a relationship that we may not know will last.
The great thing about the modern dating scene is sometimes what is the worst part about it. We can meet people without any strings attached. The world can truly be your oyster, but sometimes love hurts and doesn’t go in your favour. We are here to learn that is okay.
I think before we go to the list, it’s important to underline that you need some time to know yourself first. For me especially, I find this part of my life to be so confusing, I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow so it would be an impossible feat to try and plan my life with someone.
What I am trying to get to is, is that there is so much life out there for us to live, we have so much to discover of ourselves, that we can’t do when we are clinging onto the fear of being alone forever.
So have fun, go on those dates, but get to know yourself by yourself, because that is all you have at the end of the day.
So, what are you actually looking for?
Sometimes it’s hard to know what intentions to set before we start dating. The dating scene can seem so messed up from the outside. But if you think, and really think, you can normally work out what you are looking for when you go to meet someone for the first time:
- Are we looking for something casual?
- One night stand?
- A long and loving committed relationship
- Getting over someone?
- Some to fix my feelings of loneliness (not the key to dating btw)
This is the time to meet new people, find out what we want and not settle for any less.
So instead of focusing on finding a certain type of person, find out who you are first, what you can offer and if you are in a place to offer that to someone else.
As Ru Paul states – “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”
Anyway, for those of us who have dated around and tried to see what’s out there, I hope you find this list as entertaining as it was for me to make.
I’m sick of hearing that “all men are the same”. It’s not true. There are some lovely, lovely people out in this world and there are some awful soul stealing people and there are some in-between and some nice and some mean.
Let’s just stop with the constant comparisons.
One of the best things about dating in our twenties is that we get to meet a whole variety of different people, we don’t have to settle for people we don’t want, and you will soon find out there isn’t a limited number of men yet to meet. Although it may feel like that.
Let’s go through a list of the types of guys you will come across on the dating scene in your twenties. I always want to highlight which ones to steer clear of and which ones I would give the green light.
- Gym is life men
The Gym is life men you can normally find (as you would assume) at the gym. Their main concerns come under what protein they have fit into their meal on your dates, how your lifestyles can adapt together (as the gym is a huuuuge priority) and how well you look after yourself.
Now don’t get me wrong, these aren’t the bad guys, they are normally quite sweet, they want to have someone sweet on their arm too, but you will, at most times, come second in their eyes. You get the gist.
Now I’m not saying to stay away, some of these guys probably have great intentions, but may be so far up their own issues that they may not leave much time to you.
Also, who really wants to talk about how much protein is in the marry me chicken recipe you took off the internet when cooking for him.
- Avoidants.
Now if you have come across this type of guy, I really feel for you girls, it’s not pretty.
With this type it’s always the: “let’s see how things go” “why do we have to put pressure on it?”
Now, going against the contrary, I wouldn’t call these men the “bad” guys. Usually, they are loving deep down in that shatterproof shell. But that love is not normally something they are willing to give out.
These men are difficult to deal with, you may feel as if you are finally getting through to them. But as soon as you get through that first layer, there is a whole other five onions to peel- and it’s going to take a lot of tears.
They can be kind and giving and sweet people, but it always just seems on the surface with them, the more you want, the less they give. It’s tiring and quite simply impossible.
- TOXIC men
I really wished they didn’t, but toxic men do exist, and they aren’t that easy to spot at first.
Just to highlight, I’m not referencing abusive or violent behaviour, so please get some help if that is what you have experienced.
But onto the toxic guy, the one who you know deep down just feels off and acts in childish and manipulative ways.
This might be the guy who is completely obsessed with you after the first hour of meeting. Your phone is being bombarded by his messages and you may even feel like you are being tracked somehow.
They may start to love bomb you from the start and sweep you off your feet, making you feel as if you have never met someone so caring in your life. These men are going over and beyond for you, someone he has only met a handful number of times. Then, out of nowhere, you get a drop out two text weeks later as if nothing ever happened.
It may also be the guy who tries to make everything about himself. Your issues aren’t important and the whole of your time together is spent consoling him about his problems.
Realistically this type of guy just makes you feel overwhelmed. Love takes time, it’s a bond that needs to be formed, but this guy is just after one thing and that is control.
- Too nice for me guy
Now I know we shouldn’t put ourselves down in this way, but sometimes we must admit that we are simply too much for some people.
The too nice for me guy is usually a very down to earth person who you have chosen to give a chance to.
Usually, they would make a great boyfriend, but you can’t help but not feel any of the spark there. You know how he could make someone else so happy, but you realise that you aren’t the one for that quest.
But that is okay. (Maybe it’s more a you problem than it is him but hey-ho we live for another day)
- Good for the night men
These types of men are the ones who you can usually have the best night of your lives with.
The dates can be crazy, usually ending up with doing something you’ve never done in your life before.
You may have laughed like you have never laughed before, got on a motorbike across towns you’ve never even visited or just roughed it up live never before.
Most times we may leave this date craving another night like that, but we know deep down, the one night was just what we needed.
- The calm leaning men
I feel like a speak for a lot of us, but calm men are really just a blessing. They are as they sound and lean into you, making you feel like you are finally being heard on dates.
Strangely, these are usually the types of dates that may seem boring to some. There is no explosion of emotions and you won’t leave the date craving more but you will remember how they made you feel.
These guys have such a warm presence, and it can just feel so natural to speak to them. I really feel like these guys are ones to hold onto. For me there is just something so important about having a calm and collected person by your side.
- Your friend (and only that)
Now this one may hit close to home for some. You know that friend that you have had since you were younger, and everyone tells you that you two would be perfect together.
You guys have always been so close, and being with them feels familiar, you even have the same humour. You hang out with them by yourself, but its normal, because you guys really are just friends.
But still, you decide to give a date a chance.
But it feels f**cking weird. You soon realise after a date full of odd and out of sync pressure that you guys aren’t “perfect together”.
I think after this dating no no you can soon go back to being just how you were before. I mean it doesn’t hurt to try things out but if you really are just friends then you will know by going on that date.