Does growing up with brothers make you tougher?

A girl who grows up with brothers is likely to have differences to a girl who grows up with sisters, I think it’s undeniably inevitable.

However, my question to the world is mainly based on, how strong does it make us and are we “tougher” than our sister-sibling based friends? 

Personal Experiences:

Speaking from personal experience, life with three brothers allowed me to grow a ‘backbone’. I gained my independence from a young age and taught myself ways to defend myself (physically and emotionally). 

One significant memory of growing up with brothers, which I’m sure many can relate to, was our deep concernment of bodily hair. Purposefully made prominent by the constant name calling of our brothers. 

Coming from an Italian/ Argentinian background one pronounced feature of mine is the visibility of facial/ body hair. As an older child, my main goal was to remove this object of torture from my body as soon as possible.

I still remember the painful experience of dry shaving my entire body with a borrowed razor, ending up with cuts everywhere and patches of hair I couldn’t reach. 

Unfortunately, these are the kinds of memories that remain forever imprinted in the amygdala. Yep, I’ve gone through it all, but still got through the other side… I’ve experienced the wrath of a young sibling fight without the equipped armour I needed to defend myself.

The fights were not equal, but I learnt to protect myself, so in one way or another I was always winning in mind. 

Loneliness and finding your strength:

Albeit fun at times, it could still feel quite lonely growing up. It was very difficult trying to find activities we enjoyed together without succumbing to the pressure of being outnumbered. 

I would hear stories of my friend’s home lives with their sisters and it’s suffice to say that I felt left out (at times). These girls seemed to live completely different lives at home, full of laughter and stories (though it seems). 

The defining moment of my loneliness showed up when I would want to pass my stories on to my brothers. However, the kinds of things I wanted to tell my brothers about and occasionally did, they had absolutely no interest in. 

However I am a strong believer in perspective, the way we view our lives and the situations we are placed within is what holds the most power. A quote I love which signifies this is: “Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self”. 

My brothers taught me how to remain grounded in situations which were causing out-roars internally. Allowing me to take the time to really get to know myself.

They taught me how to form platonic friendships with males without any ulterior motives and to not fear gender imbalanced altercations. 

Mostly it taught me how to be strong in the face of diversity. Despite all the lessons I learnt, I still ended up telling my mum about my silly yet at the time groundbreaking stories- unfortunately at times going in one ear and out the other. 

Don’t get me wrong though I’ve always been close with my mum. She really is the rock which held my family together, a pure but rabid soul and as she also grew up with brother’s she definitely shares some of the same traits as me and we can relate to the struggle together. 

What are the studies saying?

As stated by Everyday Health, competition formed a big part of my childhood. “For boys, play often centres around winning. Boys tend to play in large groups with structured games that keep score. They thrive on competition and one-upmanship as each strives to be the leader of the pack”. 

Everything is a competition growing up with three brothers, from being the first to eat something or not eating at all, to watching tv, even seat positions in the car required some form of feud.

I took this approach to my life with me as I grew, and it held tight. 

From competitive hockey matches, to applying for jobs I know what I want, and I won’t stop till I get it. With a family like mine where the percentage of girl’s needs were 25% compared 75% of the boy’s needs, there was certainly a dominant narrative across the household. 

In my home there was always a focus on sports with a big emphasis on winning. Looking back, as a young girl, sharing, discussing and listening intently, were the needs I was mainly focused on receiving. 

As highlighted in childhood studies, a person who comes from a home in which he/she is a minority, will find themselves receiving less gender specific attention to those in which he/she forms the dominant household culture. 

Coming out the other side:

Though I grew up wishing for a sister, having brothers made me the person I am today. I love the three of them equally, (even though they have their annoying and inconsiderate traits) they will always be my brothers. 

There have been studies which show that girls who grew up as the only girl in a family of one or more brothers gained more schooling and education. Furthermore, they will also end up making more money than women who grew up with one or more sisters. 

I completed my university degree and went on to further study and work in the sector I studied for. A lot of my friends who grew up in a sister-sibling household I cannot say the same for- however this may depend on various other factors too. 

Growing up with three brothers, paved the way for the woman I am today. So to that I will say, as the woman I am today, it has made me stronger.

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