Being in your twenties is a time of confusion, transition, and, for many, a constant sense of uncertainty.
When the gloomy feeling of FOMO hits, we may question how we live our lives and may even begin to think something is wrong with us. Although FOMO tends to target our self-esteem and self-worth, it can be even more difficult when it brings up doubts about your identity and your traits as a person.
As someone who suffers with bouts of anxiety, I know too-well the feeling of doubting myself and the very essence of who I am. But sometimes a dash of FOMO can send this feeling way too far.
Questions like “am I boring?” and “what is wrong with me?” can linger in our minds bringing waves of anxiety alongside of it.
If you’re in your twenties, chances are you’ve felt the sting of FOMO at least once, or a hundred times, or it may even be a continuous ache in your life. Whether it is seeing friends travel, get engaged, land their dream job, or just seem like they have everything together, it can feel like you’re falling behind.
It also has a merciful way of making any of your own achievements seem insignificant. But what if I told you that this feeling of missing out isn’t just about missing social events or experiences—it’s a reflection of something deeper?
FOMO can be masked as a fear of uncertainty and a fear of not knowing what to do next. Which are common feelings which will prop up across our lives.
In your twenties, FOMO is tied to the uncertainty of where you’re heading and how you compare to others, all while figuring out who you truly are. Yep… that’s a lot to carry around with us. We are still figuring out who we are whilst facing the attacks of doubt but it’s crucial to learn how to deal with this without letting it overwhelm us.
First, lets dive into what exactly is FOMO and how can it be seen across our twenties.
What is the Fear of Missing Out? (FOMO)
The fear of missing out or FOMO, is a state of apprehension or anxiety that is felt when a person believes they are missing out a certain event or social outing.
According to the National Institute of Health (NIH), FOMO is a term to “describe a phenomenon observed on social networking sites”.
At its core, FOMO can create a lingering fear that others are having more fun, achieving greater success, or enjoying life in ways that you are not. It can be that sinking feeling in your gut as you see that some of your friends have gone out without you, leaving you questioning the friendship.
It can be the fear that those people you saw on social media are having the best time on their holiday whilst you are stuck at work, rendering your life as useless.
It can also be the terror feeling that fills you when someone tells you about their exciting weekend plans and you can’t relate in the slightest.
For me it always showed up with the latter. Whenever someone mentioned an exciting or spontaneous night they were having, whether it be with friends or family, it would always fill me with a sense of dread. I would begin to compulsively ruminate and question why I haven’t made any plans with anyone and begin to think that it made me boring if I had no plans for that weekend.
This is all while fully knowing I have a big and lovely support group around me, I have awesome friends, and I keep busy most of the time. But those anxiety inducing thoughts of “I’m not doing enough” or “I’m not cool enough” would still popup when hearing about other people’s plans.
Personally, for me, I don’t think there is a cure to this. I don’t believe that calling up all my friends and making a vast plan is going to fix never thinking these thoughts again.
I think it’s a matter of full acceptance of your life and full acceptance of yourself alongside some self-awareness that will place you right where you need to be. What we also need to understand is, that this is not an indication that there is something wrong us. Feeling a fear of missing out can be a direction into other things that we need to look at.
It often leads to feelings of inadequacy, social comparison, and a need to stay constantly connected to what others are doing. Nowadays it’s so easy to compare our lives to others when social media is showing us highlight reels of others’ lives on a daily basis.
For me, FOMO is mainly driven by social media and its ability to portray people’s lives as perfect in comparison to yours, and as we will soon learn comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparison is the thief of joy
We often look at posts on social media with a third eye, a comparative one, comparing every inch of that photo to something in our own lives.
We assume that the pictures we are looking at resemble something and therefore give them some sort of meaning.
I do believe that comparison can have the ability to positively motivate us in some ways, but in this case its likely to do more harm than good. When we feel the need to compulsively compare our lives to others, especially from what we see on social media, taking the time to notice how this affects us is important.
Nowadays it’s very difficult to just look at a picture. Our minds take us to high levels of judgement and believe they mean more than what we are looking at.
I believe when we are struggling that self-awareness is really the key to living a more cherished life. When we learn to live by our values and not by comparisons or expectations, we will begin to feel more fulfilled. So instead of judging the feelings that we get, why don’t we try to learn something from them.
What if the feeling that we dread could be turned into something more positive, and instead of viewing FOMO as a negative we can view it as something that motivates us.
So how do we get rid of FOMO?
I think the main point I try to make across this blog, is that uncomfortable feelings and uncertainty should be felt, instead of pushed away or ignored.
If we live a life in fear of our feelings, then we will never learn the right ways to cope when things get hard. This can also lead to negative behaviours which will impact us poorly in the long term.
So, guys, here a three tips to help you deal with the uncomfortable feeling of FOMO:
- Limit Social Media Usage:
Social media often amplifies FOMO by showing curated highlight reels of others’ lives. Take regular breaks or set time limits to reduce exposure. Instead, focus on connecting with people offline and enjoying the present moment.
- Practice Gratitude:
Shift your mindset by focusing on what you have rather than what you lack. Start a gratitude journal and write down three things you’re thankful for daily. Recognizing the positives in your life can help combat feelings of inadequacy.
- Set Personal Goals:
Redirect your energy toward your own aspirations. Whether it’s learning a skill, taking up a hobby, or planning a solo trip, having personal goals gives you a sense of purpose and helps you focus less on what others are doing.
Ultimately your twenties are not a race
FOMO is a natural part of the human experience, but in your twenties, it can be amplified by the uncertainty and the pressure to have everything figured out.
It may seem like your friends are ahead of you in their achievements, many have travelled the world or have exciting jobs, and you on the other hand are still working a part time job trying to figure it out.
I get the feeling, and it can certainly make you feel like you are faltering behind on the sprint. But it’s important to remind yourself that your twenties are not about competing with others or ticking off boxes on some imaginary checklist.
They are about self-discovery, growth, and learning to embrace life as it comes. So, the next time you feel the sting of FOMO, remember that the uncertainty you’re facing is exactly where the magic of your twenties lies. You are exactly where you need to be.
And most importantly, trust that your journey is your own and it will unfold in its own beautiful, unexpected way.
“Feeling the sting of FOMO? You’re not alone! Share your experiences in the comments or let us know your favourite way to embrace your unique journey. Don’t forget to follow Uncertain Twenties for more insights to help you navigate this wild decade!”